


The Ficlet Zone

by starlightwalking



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Ficlet Collection, Gen, Originally Posted on Tumblr, prompts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:54:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 2,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21965998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlightwalking/pseuds/starlightwalking
Summary: A collection of various short TAZ drabbles, mostly from tumblr prompts, with no correlation to each other. Originally posted on tumblr (mostly). (url:@arofili; taz sideblog is@tazuation)
Relationships: Bureau of Balance & IPRE Crew | Starblaster Crew
Comments: 18
Kudos: 18





	1. vampire!Blupjeans

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Buffintruder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buffintruder/gifts), [captainoflifeandlemons](https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainoflifeandlemons/gifts), [StarSpray](https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarSpray/gifts).



> ETA: This was originally called "The Adventure Zone: Prompts" and then I changed it to "The Drabble Zone" and now I have changed it again to "The Ficlet Zone" ... I'm still not completely satisfied with the title so it may change again, lol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt:  
> "Blupjeans but they’re vampires"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (isn't that just canon? Lmao)
> 
> for an anon
> 
> starting off with a short little blupjeans thing for a 3-sentence prompt meme!

“Babe, those fangs are sexy as fuck,” Lup said, grabbing Barry and pulling him into a big fat smooch. “Oh! They’re real!” she exclaimed, pulling back.

“Yeah, uh, I was about to tell you, I ran into a vampire a couple days back, and uh,” Barry said sheepishly, “they may-or-may-not have bitten me.”

“And you didn’t invite me into this action?” Lup demanded. “Come on, Bluejeans! Vamp me up! Taako is going to be _so_ jealous!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rebloggable on tumblr [here](https://arofili.tumblr.com/post/177568773297/blupjeans-but-theyre-vampires).


	2. Magnus + "hanging out with your queer friends"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt:  
> Magnus Burnsides + "spending time with your queer friends" from an aromantic writing prompt list

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for Buffintruder <3

I mean obviously none of them were straight, and most of them weren’t cis, either. (Even the ones who thought they were cis, Magnus wasn’t so sure about, but that was _their_ journey.) It was something you got used to, right? The stupid jokes that made even Cap’n’port smile, the unquestioned assumption that they were all family in twelve different ways, the deep-seated knowledge that they would _always_ support each other, the constant musical theater references—that’s queer culture, baby!

But still—there were times that even surrounded by other queers, Magnus felt out of place. It happened for lots of reasons, and sometimes it was just because the conversation wasn’t _for_ him, which was fine… But when Lup and Barry got _too much_ , so that even his generally-romance-neutral ass felt repulsed, or Taako mooned over some dude’s meaningless gift, or Merle’n’Dav gave each other the eyes, he’d just excuse himself and go find something to punch.

Took him awhile to figure out why. Took him awhile to realize Lucretia would bounce even before he did.

But once he put two and two together, he and the only other aro aboard the _Starblaster_ could roll their eyes at each other and _get_ it in a way that was just as queer…if a little less romantic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rebloggable on tumblr [here](https://arofili.tumblr.com/post/189822871782/magnus-burnsides-d).


	3. Lucretia + "spending time with yourself"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt:  
> Lucretia + "spending time with yourself" from an aromantic writing prompt list

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for captainoflifeandlemons!

This was her favorite place on the ship, a place only she and Davenport knew existed. Sure, Lucretia had her own private quarters, but people could _find_ her there. When she needed to be alone— _really_ alone—she could come here.

It wasn’t the _safest_ place to be, and one cycle this little outcropping had gotten blasted by the Hunger, but Davenport had helped her to rebuild it. He’d even installed a ladder for her to climb down, so it was less dangerous to get to—though sometimes, when she was feeling particularly adventurous, she would leap from ledge to ledge anyway, just for the thrill.

Davenport left her alone here, always. If there was anyone else who understood the need for privacy, for isolation, it was him. Lucretia admired her captain, but that little trait won her love.

He had his own hidden spot, she knew, though he’d never shown it to her. That was alright by her—if there was anyone else who understood the need for secrecy, for independence… it was her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rebloggable on tumblr [here](https://arofili.tumblr.com/post/189822952172/if-youre-still-taking-aro-writing-prompts-maybe).


	4. Taakitz musings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> taako and kravitz aren't soulmates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> found this little thing when looking through my older posts. i'm very aro and i don't like soulmate tropes and i bring that with me into shipping lmao

taako and kravitz aren’t soulmates. they come from different universes, different planar systems. if such a thing as soulmates exist, it never considered the possibility of interplanar travel.

taako and kravitz aren’t soulmates, and that makes their relationship better. there’s no reason they should have fallen in love, but they did anyway. how can an undead reaper of souls and an interplanar hero be together? that doesn’t seem fated in any way, shape, or form.

istus didn’t plan for this. she doesn’t plan for much. it would be far too taxing for her to weave a soulmate and fabulous love story for everyone, and that’s the least of the problems of the soulmate concept. istus weaves, and she records. she doesn’t decide - she’s just as surprised by the shape of her creation as anyone else. sure, she can pull some strings here and there, but nothing on the scale of _soulmates._

so no, taako and kravitz aren’t soulmates. they weren’t meant to be together. but they are anyway, and they love each other anyway, and they make the _choice_ to be together anyway.

and isn’t that more beautiful than fate could design?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rebloggable on tumblr [here](https://arofili.tumblr.com/post/182861217747/taako-and-kravitz-arent-soulmates-they-come-from).


	5. Lucretia meets Johann

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucretia meets Johann and invites him to join the Bureau of Balance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> found this while looking through old drafts. i wrote it about 2 years ago, i think for the aroace zine? but i didn't end up liking it enough to finish it. (i ended up submitting [this hobbit piece](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17332544) instead)  
> anyway, it only needed a couple more lines to be done, and i wanted to share. here you go :)

Lucretia hadn’t heard such beautiful music since Legato.

For a moment, she was swept away to that day in the mountain, listening to Lup and Barry’s breathtaking duet. In every mournful note of the bard’s melody, she felt all the pain and loss and love she’d been repressing for ten long, lonely years.

When at last the song died away, silence reigned. Only the echo of the final refrain hung in the air; even the weeping of the audience was muted.

Lucretia began the applause, embarrassed by the quiet disturbance of her clapping. Beside her, Davenport joined in, until the whole tavern roared with approval.

The bard bowed, offering his hat to the crowd. A few people tossed in bottle caps, pennies, dead flowers, a condom. They drifted away, leaving the young man crestfallen.

“That’s not even two gold pieces,” he said mournfully.

Lucretia approached him, laying a hand on his shoulder before he could turn to go. He jumped, startled, turning on her and flailing the bow of his violin like a weapon.

“Don’t try to hurt me,” she said drily. “I guarantee you that I am least three times your level.”

“Oh.” The bard’s shoulders slumped. “Okay, then.”

“That was a spectacular performance,” she said. “I haven’t heard anything like it in...” _ Sixty years, _ she wanted to say. But even after Wonderland, she looked younger than that. “...a very long time.”

“Oh.” He sounded almost disappointed. “But you  _ have _ heard something like it.”

“Well, yes.”

“Guess I’m not the greatest violinist ever,” he mumbled.

“No, you are.” Lucretia smiled wryly. The musicians of Legato had long since perished, and Lup... well, she didn’t know what had happened to Lup.

“Then you’re the only one who thinks so,” the bard said, turning the contents of his hat into his hand. “I guess I could buy a drink with this, but the rest is useless.” He picked out the coins and dropped the rest of the mess on the floor.

Lucretia caught the condom, giving it back to him. “Safe sex is important,” she chastised.

“Not a problem for me.” The bard shrugged. “I’m aroace.”

“Oh.” Lucretia blinked. “So am I.”

“Neat,” he said, and she wondered if the slight wrinkles about his eyes meant he was happy. With his droopy, mopey voice, it was hard to tell. “Well, even if I wanted to get some, it looks like no one in this place is interested in me beyond a few songs. I should probably get going...have some Johann time. Wander my life alone...forever.”

“If you get so little out of this life, why are you doing it?” Lucretia asked.

“I’m good at it.” The bard—Johann—shrugged. “And I wouldn’t know what else to do.”

It was one of the easier decisions in her long life, what she did next. She slipped a business card into Johann’s hand. “I might be able to help with that.”

He stared at the card, his frown deepening. “I can’t read this,” he said. His eyes glossed over the information the Voidfish had consumed. “It’s like...just a blur.”

“For now, it is,” Lucretia said. She tapped the Bulwark Staff she leaned upon. Protection magic. A shield. Skills she’d picked up from her family, then imbued into her Grand Relic. Where would she be without them? But the moment the thought crossed her mind, she knew. Right here. And it was her fault.

“What do you mean?” Johann asked.

"I am the founder of...an organization,” she began. “We are in our beginnings now, but we are doing good work. Important work. And we cannot do it alone. If you join us, you will be able to read that card...and, more importantly, you will have a captive audience that will  _ always _ appreciate you.”

“You and your buddies?” Johann guessed.

Lucretia glanced aside. “Yes. And...someone else.” Fisher thrived on information, on music, and it had gone too long without being fed. And now that Magnus...wasn’t around, it needed a new friend.

“I’m intrigued,” Johann said, looking between her and the card. “Does the job come with benefits?”

“All of them,” Lucretia assured. “Come with me, Johann, and I’ll show you everything.”

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“Madam Director,” she said, and the words felt sour on her tongue.

“Alright, keep your secrets.” Johann shrugged.

“Only for a little while,” she said, “at least as far as the card is concerned.”

“This thing is giving me a headache to look at,” he complained. “Alright, I’ll go with you, boss.”

“Madam Director,” she repeated. “Thank you, Johann. It’s a pleasure to have you on board.”


	6. Taako + "I'm just here to establish an alibi."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt:  
> Taako + "I'm just here to establish an alibi."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For StarSpray :)

“I’m only here to establish an alibi,” Taako declared.

Kravitz rubbed the bridge of his nose, trying his hardest not to smile. “You realize that by admitting that, you’re ruining your plan?” he pointed out.

Taako grinned. “That’s what you _think_ ,” he crowed, “but it’s also where you’re mistaken!”

“Explain, then,” Kravitz said. He crossed his arms, doing his best to keep a neutral expression.

“Well,” his boyfriend purred, sauntering up to him and wrapping his arms around his neck, “an alibi is a reason why you couldn’t _possibly_ have committed a crime.”

“Mm?” Kravitz said. His attempt at a stoic defense was being severely compromised by Taako’s face just inches from his own.

“And how the fuck,” Taako murmured, kissing Kravitz’s neck, “was I supposed to be helping an anonymous necromancer abscond with several books of classified material—” Kravitz couldn’t help but moan as Taako nipped at his ear— “if I was here all along, making out with my boyfriend?” He punctuated the question with a kiss on the lips, and Kravitz drank it in, weak in the knees. Oh, he could—

“Wait a minute,” he said, putting a hand over Taako’s _very distracting_ mouth. “Anonymous necromancer?”

“Nothing you need to worry about,” Taako mumbled beneath his hand.

“I am going to kill Barry,” Kravitz sighed, relenting to Taako’s diversion and letting his boyfriend push him against the wall.

Taako chuckled. “Who said anything about Barry?”

—and frankly, after what Taako did to him next, Kravitz didn’t even have the heart to write Lup up for her infraction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rebloggable on tumblr [here](https://arofili.tumblr.com/post/619587980951175168/taako-anyone-42).


	7. Magnus Burnsides Is A Christ Figure, and this essay I will–

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an "essay" on why Magnus Burnsides is a Christ figure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not an actual essay. my English profs would shake their head at this. but I definitely COULD write an essay on it if I tried a bit harder?
> 
> also I wrote this like a year ago don't judge me

ok, look, i’ve seen jokes about this before, mistaking jesus shitposts for magnus shitposts, but _YALL!_

Some friends and I were in our AP Lit class last year and we started goofing about this when we ran across this page in our textbook, but it’s not just a goof - it actually fits!

[id: a page from a textbook called “How To Read Literature Like A Professor.” It lists several characteristics of a Christ figure in literature, which will be expanded upon below. end id.]

Magnus doesn’t fit _all_ of these, but he _does_ fit a LOT of them, and you don’t need to hit every single point to qualify. Really, you only need a couple.

~~1) crucified, wounds in the hands, feet, side, and head~~

**2) in agony**

  * losing Julia; the Suffering Game



**3) self-sacrificing**

  * his name is literally _THE PROTECTOR_ ; this is a major aspect of his character



**4) good with children**

  * Angus & June



**5) good with loaves, fishes, water, wine**

  * what stands out to me here is **fishes** \- Magnus has animal handling proficiency and has a special connection with Fisher, Junior, and Steven



**6) thirty-three years of age when last seen**

  * when Magnus loses 10 years in Wonderland, Travis says he’s 32 or **33** at the time



**7) employed as a carpenter**

  * THIS is what got me thinking about this as a joke, before realizing it actually fit!



~~8) known to use humble modes of transportation, feet or donkeys preferred~~

  * I did think about this, but like, I don’t think the Starblaster or the giant cannon count as “humble,” lmao



**9) believed to have walked on water**

  * if you count the San Francisco liveshow…



**10) often portrayed with arms outstretched**

  * THIS is what made me go _OH SHIT,_ we’re on to something!!



**11) known to have spent time alone in the wilderness**

  * finding Jack and June outside of Refuge



**12) believed to have had a confrontation with the devil, possibly tempted**

  * the Chalice, in the Eleventh Hour



**13) last seen in the company of thieves**

  * THB could _definitely_ be classified that way!
  * also, he's friends with Carey, a rogue!



~~14) creator of many aphorisms and parables~~

  * no, but taako did, lmao



**15) buried, but arose on the third day**

  * not exactly buried, and I’m not positive on the timing, but the fact that Magnus died in Wonderland and returned to life a few days later really cements the symbolism!



~~16) had disciples, twelve at first, although not all equally devoted~~

**17) very forgiving**

  * he forgave Lucretia right away, and aside from Merle is one of the most forgiving characters in the show



**18) came to redeem an unworthy world**

  * you could argue this is exactly the mission of the Seven Birds



additionally: the symbolism of the “bitter cup,” the betrayal by one of his closest friends, the focus on love, friendship, and family all point to Magnus Burnsides’ literary significance as a Christ figure within The Adventure Zone: Balance.

What does this mean? Well, regardless of the intentions of Travis, Griffin, and the other boys, Magnus is a figure of hope and justice for all peoples. He is not alone in his burden of saving the world, but his status as a Christ figure - a symbol of redemption, forgiveness, and protection - is present in every part of TAZ Balance, and Magnus embodies the love that the literary Christ represents.

(Trust me, I’m an English major.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rebloggable on tumblr [here](https://arofili.tumblr.com/post/185762622502/magnus-burnsides-is-a-christ-figure-and-this).


	8. IPRE + Reunions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As far as excuses for family reunions go, "dying" is weirdly normal for these guys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Buffintruder’s request for “IPRE + Reunions” from this [Found Family prompt list](https://arofili.tumblr.com/post/629184323680124929/found-family-prompts)!

“Hey, buddy!” Magnus exclaimed, pulling Taako’s spectral form into a hug. “Finally kicked the bucket, did ya?”

Taako sniffed. “As if! I’ve entered into the Raven Queen’s service, I’ll have you know—”

“That’s just a fancy way of saying ‘I died,’” Davenport drawled. “Welcome home, Taako.”

“I have a very nice room in a castle with my husband—”

“And so do we, and yet we spend way more time here,” Barry pointed out, materializing next to him. Taako jumped; he’d never _quite_ gotten used to all that spontaneous dimension-hopping, at least not the ease with which his Reaper family could do it. Give him a spaceship and a bond engine any day, or a spell at the very least. Scythes _could_ be cool and sexy, he supposed, but still.

“Well, not the husband part,” Barry amended.

“Speak for yourself!” Lup cried, hopping out of her own portal, and Taako expected her this time. “I mean, different twin, different husband, different room—but same castle!”

“I hope you haven’t stolen Kravitz from me!” Taako said in mock outrage. “Just because we share a birthday doesn’t mean we share everything!”

“Come on in, Taako,” Magnus said firmly, pulling him forward. “Creesh and Merle are making dinner, and it tastes even better when you’re dead. Plus, Jules and the dogs are just _dying_ to see you!” He grinned at his stupid joke, and Taako rolled his eyes—but he let himself be pulled along and into the cottage.

This couldn’t last forever, he knew…but it would last long enough to be a home, more than a castle could ever be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rebloggable on tumblr [here](https://arofili.tumblr.com/post/632294369349746688/ipre-55).


	9. Lup + "She set out to enjoy herself to death."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Found this in an old notebook of writing prompts. This prompt was "She set out to enjoy herself to death." I like making things not quite so serious as they sound, and this felt like a very Lup thing to do :)
> 
> Also, changed the title of this collection....again....one of these days I'll find one I like, lmao

“I just want to see if it’s possible,” she reasoned. “Besides, even if it is I’ll just come back next year!”

“Lup, you are the smartest idiot I know,” Taako grumbled. “What’ll it be, sex or food?”

“A lot of both!” she cried, flinging her arms around a blushing Barry.

“After the Judges, you don’t want to get down on  _ every _ deadly sin?” Barry chuckled.

“Just the fun ones,” Lup laughed, smooching him with a smirk.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and commenting!  
> You can find me on tumblr [@arofili](http://arofili.tumblr.com/), or at my taz blog [@tazuation](http://tazuation.tumblr.com/).


End file.
